一期一会

8月24号考完试,25-28号痛快看了9场fringe的戏,1场爱丁堡国际艺术节的Puccini歌剧La Boheme。La Boheme是想象中的经典,而fringe里常有意想不到的惊喜,当然好坏常是一半一半…

一次坐在剧院,想到这个词 ‘一期一会’。这个世界上的人与事 常常只有一面之缘。我想我以后不一定常有机会来爱丁堡看Fringe, 就像我不会再像18岁那样打了无数疫苗去南美洲做志愿者。所以要去努力享受,感谢和珍惜那些发生。

Fringe的剧种很多 从杂技 舞蹈 到 喜剧 戏剧 音乐剧 歌剧。这次光是喜剧 就看了很多种 有那种讲低俗笑话的 也有像是夜总会才能看到的卡巴莱;有装作奇怪的人说话的,也有多人演出的实验戏剧,比如Wild Bore。Wild Bore应该是我的top3之一,这个剧拿三个女制作人收到的差评作文章,她们制作的是女权先锋戏剧,经常收到说他们过于wild,或是说她们的剧boring。所以她们将计就计,把剧命名为wild bore (how can you be wild and a bore?). 作为喜剧,除了裸露臀部这些噱头,笑点也有很多 同时也是愤怒的喜剧. 其中被引用的一句差评说一个制作人的一个剧中情节exists for no apparent reason, 于是制作人之一穿着哈姆雷特服装站在聚光灯下举起手皱着眉说: I’m standing here, for no apparent reason, then I raised my arm for no apparent reason. I’m making sound for no apparent reason. 另一则评论说一个女制作人的剧还不如把制作人的一天描述一下有意思,为回应这个评论 这个制作人站在舞台中央把她去Tesco买东西的经过一五一十描述了一遍。还有一则质疑一个持续7分钟的情节是不是dramaturgical design, 另一个制作人脱了上衣围着舞台跑,边喊’This is a dramaturgical design’。而这些笑话都不仅仅是笑话,指出这些差评不仅仅是差评,而是不负责任的评价。theatre和其他艺术形式一样,都是poetic的,都不一定要像新闻报道一样一下就能理解,就像你不会质疑为什么康定斯基要用斑斓的色彩表现音乐一样。而女权主义先锋作品遭到此类敷衍的评价,也是男权衍生到艺术界的表现。

最喜欢的是最后一天上午看的musical ‘A Super Happy Story (About Feeling Super Sad)’。是讲一个活泼的女生经历毫无理由的抑郁症的经历,演员演得非常好,以至于之后看海报才意识到主演不是真实的Sally…这个剧最后被评为今年的Fringe的best musical. 演出进行中有几次观众完全招架不住地落泪,有对这个美好年轻人遭遇的惋惜,有对她与无法承受之重斗争的紧张,有每次Sally重新感觉到生命的感动。有一些情节让人很难不同情共感:Sally参加家乡的心理疾病的self-help group, 有一个女人告诉她她是怎么活下去的:她看一个剧集,每天看一集,这样就对明天有了一点点的期待和要继续下去的感觉;还有Sally的短暂好转时她说清晨打开房门会注意到天气,会微笑。人在抑郁中往往是对所有事毫无“兴趣”可言的,所以在Sally从自杀的浴缸里爬出来的时候是英雄般的, 是人对于生命逆流而上的勇气,可贵在于它有时毫无外在的理由。虽然这个剧的主题是抑郁症,首先这是相关的,虽然人们不去谈论,因为就算是在发达国家也有五分之一的人有抑郁症;就算是对这个现象没有经历也缺乏了解的人,也会和这个剧对生命本质的探讨产生连结:当对一切事情失去兴趣的时候,我们为什么要活下去,我们要怎么活下去。

这让我想到某些新闻和艺术作品。

在我喜欢的导演Tom Ford的电影’A Single Man’,讲一个丧失爱人的文学教授打算自杀的那一天的故事。一个几乎是unworldly的男学生闯入他的世界,他仿佛完全了解这个中年男人在想什么,在他知道任何事情之前。他让这个中年男人重新感受到 酒吧的气氛 夜泳的快乐 人的躯体的美感。虽然我们会认为’过去’毫无意义 ‘现在’像是个累赘 我们还有未来 就像你从未想过我们在此时此地遇见彼此 喝着酒 谈论这种事。

所以这答案似乎在于那些还未发生的。我们在变化 我们不知道我们自己会变成什么样子 世界会是什么样子 世界会抛给我们什么。所以要活着看到啊。万一我们此时此刻的绝望和无兴趣是错的呢。

让我印象深刻的另一个演出是Tutu: dance in all its glory. 来自法国的一个男子舞蹈团. 吸引我去看的是杂志图片里他们的服装设计. 舞蹈种类涉及芭蕾 探戈 拉丁舞 和其他现代舞. 其中一个带着长发发套男子的独舞让人被中性美震慑, 让我想起张国荣. 很喜欢生在这个时代 人们时常质疑性别的界限 很多女人要做传统社会中男人做的事 很多男人去做女人做的事。双人舞 像探戈 如果男人只跳支配舞蹈动作的男部 女人跳女部 整个舞种看起来就是gendered art 而两个男子的探戈 别有一番风味.

Don’t worry, be happy

I went back home for three weeks recently and got a dose of Beijing. My stay was short enough not to make me feel bored, yet long enough to see a couple of friends and try some good restaurants. Weirdly this time I feel totally charged and inspired – before today it was the kind of feeling which occurred to me only after travelling.

I made some plans and failed some (such as writing diaries instead of weird sentences on this site…) and a few interesting and unexpected things also occurred. I learned that in the process of trying to broaden my horizons, it is so important to always remember who I am and where I am from. For a couple of times I felt that I had amnesia while I was away. I learned that in BJ waitresses earn £160 per month – fewer than a pair of shoes in Europe. I revisited the bookstores in BJ that made me feel alive. I discovered new things in old friends. I recalled scenes as the clamorous hospital, the subway station at rush hours, quiet galleries in the 798 district…I remembered that there are places in the world where you should be vigilant.

My stay also made me have a clearer idea about what I like and dislike about this city. Yes it’s a bit like marmite. Everything is a little bit like marmite. Despite all the obvious things a traveller could easily discover, I like the youths in BJ and other places in China who see self-betterment as a necessary thing to do. I like the shops in Sanlitun District. I like the fact that in BJ I could be a hermit whenever I want. I like the independent bookstores in BJ and the galleries which keep me alive. I like the much more convenient medical system (compared with uk…) I like the reckless summer here. I like the hard working people (almost everyone), which is in stark contrast with the situation in Europe – sometimes I feel at least a little bit sorry being a little bit workaholic (Nietzsche might comment that it is not good for the creation of genius).

Internally, I feel much happier and I believe I will be even more so after I read more Tao Te Ching. This book makes me more aware of what are really there. For a period of time I was upset about the people who misunderstood me, and even criticised me for what I am not and for the categories they assigned me to, based on their own imagination. On the other hand, there are also people who would stare at me in the eye and tell me things like how I am different from everybody else who shares similar backgrounds as me. I was always confused about which group of people I should trust, but now I think maybe it is not a valid question. In ancient China there are stories about the difficulty involved in trying to paint a bamboo – things have already changed when you try to capture them. It may be the same with human beings.

During my stay I also had commitments, so some of my days are comparable to high-school days. It was one of the reasons to make me feel better, and the path of trying to accomplish them seems to lead me to a good place. They are like the tiger in the film Life of Pie. They are part of the marrow of life.